you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
