Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
