Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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