Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
