i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
