I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
