i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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