I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
