now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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