I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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