Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize