he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
