That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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