I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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