I got chris browned last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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