i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
