First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize