Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
worst night to have a conscience
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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