Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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