Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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