Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize