bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
