are you still at the devil's house?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
