Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
