you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize