There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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