Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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