Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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