Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
