Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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