I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
