god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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