if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
