I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
