I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
