Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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