just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
