I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
