Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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