I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
