24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he had hair everywhere except his balls
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
