When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
