I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
