I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
honey bunches of taint.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
