Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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