Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
