he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
