can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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