remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
