Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
