it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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