Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry about my life...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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