awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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