highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
