oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
