fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
