she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My liver just had a heart attack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize