What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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