Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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