Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its liver damage thursday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
