Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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