3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just google imaged poop.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
