How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
